Just Becca

I keep getting told that Manda has something for this girl Jenn... who is straight.. but apparently has something for Manda. I don't know.
But earlier today, through myspace... gotta love myspace, this guy who went to the school i'm going to, his name is Leo, told me that he likes me. But he didn't want to tell me because he didn't know if i was 'mean' or not and what my reaction would be. So he didn't tell me until then. So that was a total... shock. Because i liked him when he was going to my school. But never said anything because, well, it's me... i'm quiet. So i IMed Nicole and asked her what to do because she has awesome advice and we came to the conclusion that Justin isn't a really 'good boyfriend'... so i'm STILL not sure what i'm doing because after Nicole pointed things out, it made me realize that we really don't even have a 'relationship' anyways. It's just a thing with the exchanging of 'i love you' which i really don't think he means when he says it. I don't know.
Leo on the other hand. He said in his message. That he would drive over to my house and stuff because he has a car and well, being that i know him, he's pretty reliable and outgoing.
Manda... I just don't know anymore... we're still going to the movies though, so thats a good thing.

I was reading through a really good friend's Livejournal a few minutes ago, i sat there and read through every single entry. And i know this sounds emo to a point. But, just thinking about stuff now... i ended up almost crying and realizing what a fucking moron i was to have done what i did. I wish i could take that back. But then. The whole distance thing would've fucked me over emotionally in the long run. So i'm at a loss either way.

I don't know. I just want to find someone that i actually feel a connection with. Not some stupid teenage bullshit. I'm tired of that, i've been through 6years of that kind of stuff. Yeah, i went through the whole scared of commitment thing... and all kinds of stuff... but now it's like i want a serious steady relationship. I swear, sometimes, i think i'm too mature for my own good.
And to show i don't have a life... this is what i type about in my LJ at 4:26AM...

So yeah, i haven't gotten my report card in the mail.. maybe it'll come tomorrow?

Heres the thing about my grades that i mentioned.

On a lighter note...
My mom said i could go out. As long as she knows that i'm not going to be skating around downtown like i use to do. I promised her i wouldn't even touch a skateboard. I'm just gonna go hang out with Amanda. And i'm not sure if she's even doing anything tomorrow that consists of going downtown. I was talking to her earlier and i asked her if she wanted to go to the movies on Friday being that tomorrow is kinda if-y... and thursday me and nicole are doing something.. and she said she couldn't becase she had no money. I told her i'd pay, but no.. she says it'd be weird and she's supposed to pay if anyone is. So i spent about an hour trying to convince her to let me pay for her. I don't think it worked. I told her i'd do anything.. she said i 'could pay her for her great deeds' but she didn't say what her 'great deeds' were or are gonna be. So blah. I'll work on it later on when she calls me. Hopefully she calls me today.. if not tomorrow..
As for justin. Still haven't heard from him since Sunday. So. Whatever.  I'm not going to out do myself to try and make it work if he's not even gonna bother.  Like Mary [the school psych.] said on Thursday, i'm gonna take things slow and not be so upidy about things. And if it works, it works great. If not. Take a break and start over somewhere fresh. She thinks that i should be less logical and not think about things to the extent i do. She's right, but i can't help but think things through before i do things.

Oh well. I have to go grocery shopping because my mom will go out and get all meat food and forget that i don't eat meat.
Then i'm going to brooklyn high to go visit friends there. I love being on spring break and being able to go to brooklyn and harass people there. Especially the principal.



And is it just me or are my dates on my entries all screwy?!